"I'm fine"

Because I am your mom, I know "I'm fine" doesn't mean you are. I expected this to come much later in your life, perhaps in your teenage years, when you truly don't want to share your every waking moment with your mom. But, today, this is different. I looked at your face when  you woke up and I looked into your eyes. You are in there somewhere, but not completely, it's almost like half of yourself forgot to wake up this morning. You literally dragged yourself through your morning routine, and instead of the incessant banter and bouncing, I saw lethargy and fatigue. Your eyes looked heavy, and you complained your leg hurt. But, I sent you to school. I'm not sure what's going on, but as you hugged me good-bye and then stumbled down the path to the 2nd grade door, you called out "I'm okay Mom". And I hugged you one more time, even tighter because I could see the weakness in your body today, that you were having trouble walking in a somewhat straight line.

Because I'm your mom, you're "I'm fine", doesn't cut it. You've been through so much in your short life, that your tolerance for pain and different feelings is way too high. Because I am your mom, I will worry about you all day, more so when you are not in my line of sight! But, because I am your mom, I will send you to school, and I will hope for the very best and be prepared to fly down there at a moment's notice.

I'm not sure what's going on with you, but our loyal Dr. C will check you out on Friday and hopefully he will have some insight. I love you big girl. Please be safe, but know Mommy is right here, to pick you up and kiss away whatever boo-boos I can. And the ones that I can't fix myself? I will never, ever give up trying to find someone who can.

On days like this, it is like sending you to school for the first time all over again. Where I have to trust somebody else to take care of you and to protect you. I know this is what is best for you overall, that I can't give you everything you get in school, but I still wish I could just be with you all day.